Blonde Jokes
Warning: Possible Adult Themes!
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HALL of FAME
Priest and the blonde
As the priest was leaving his church after the service, he accidentally
bumped a gorgeous blonde parishioner, knocking her left tit with his
elbow.
"I'm so sorry," the priest gushed. Then after a moment of
hesitation added, "But I'm sure that if your heart is as soft as your
breast, there's a place for you in heaven."
"Well," said the blonde, "if your cock's as hard as your elbow, we should go into those bushes and
fuck!"
Blonde bank robbers
Two blondes decided to rob a bank together. The first blonde, Judy plans
the robbery and goes over the plan with the second blonde, Buffie, in
great detail. The robbery begins.
Judy drives up in front of the bank, stops the car and says to Buffie,
"I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan. You are
supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with
the cash. Do you understand the plan?"
"Perfectly," said Buffie.
Buffie goes in the bank while Judy waits in the getaway car.
One minute passes . . . Two minutes pass . . . Seven minutes pass . . .
and Judy is really stressing out.
Finally, the bank doors burst open! And here comes Buffie. She's got a
safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car. About the time
she gets the safe in the trunk of the car, the bank doors burst open
again as the security guard comes running out with his pants and
underwear down around his ankles.
As the gals are getting away, Judy says "You are such a blonde! I
thought you understood the plan!"
Buffie said, "I did . . . I did exactly what you said!"
"No, you idiot," said Judy. "I said tie up the GUARD and blow the SAFE!"
How to outwit a blonde - thanks jimtenn!
A girl ( blonde ) had devised a device to cause any car that passed in
front of her house to suddenly break down but couldn't find any
practical way to profit from it. So, thinking clearly, she set up the
device, and as the cars passed the house and broke down, she'd offer the
man in the car a place to stay for the night. Then as soon as the man
was asleep, he'd be jarred awake by her with his penis in her mouth, and
she'd hold a sign up saying "$50 or I'll bite hard!".
Of course usually the guy would pay and she'd let him go. Well one day
I broke down, and had to stay the night. Sure enough, I felt
something between my legs at night, and there she is with me in her
mouth and holding the sign "$50 or I'll bite."
I just smiled and said "$100 or I'll piss!"
A blonde tries to sell her car
A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it,
because the car had 250,000 miles on it.
One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The
brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but
it's not legal."
"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I only can sell
the car."
"Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine.
He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in
your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car
anymore."
The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month
after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?"
"No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it."
Blonde tries to buy a TV
One day, a blonde went into an appliance store that was having a sale on TV's.
She walked up to the counter and said to the clerk, "I would like to buy this
TV."
The clerk replied, "Sorry, I don't sell to blondes."
So, the blonde dyed her hair brown and returned the next day. Again,she went up
to the counter and said, "I would like to buy this TV."
And again, the clerk answered, "Sorry, I don't sell to blondes."
Puzzled, the blonde asked, "How did you know I was a blonde."
And the clerk said, "Because that's a microwave."
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