Groaners
Warning: Possible Adult Themes!
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HALL of FAME
The story of Onestone
There once was an Apache Indian whose given name
was "Onestone". So named because he had only one testicle. He
hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.
After years and years of torment, Onestone finally
cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again I wil l kill
them!" The word got around and nobody called him that any more.
Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and
said, "Good morning, Onestone." He jumped up, grabbed her and
took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day
and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue
Bird died from exhaustion.
The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised
he would do. Years went by and no one dared call him by his given
name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after
being away for many years.
Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed
when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, "Good to see you,
Onestone."
Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest,
then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made
love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night,
but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!
What is the moral of this story?.....
You can't kill two birds with one stone.
A bear walks into a bar...
A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down.
He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer.
The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to
bears in bars in Billings."
The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a
beer.
The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't
serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings."
The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a
beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to
belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings"
The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats
the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.
The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to
belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs."
The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs."
The bartender says, "You are now. That was a Barbitchyouate.
How tollbooths get fixed so fast
The driver of a huge tractor trailer lost control of his rig and plowed into an empty tollbooth smashing it to pieces.
He climbed down from the truck and surveyed the wreckage.
Within a matter of minutes, another truck pulled up and unloaded a crew of workers.
The men picked up each broken piece of the former tollbooth and spread some kind of creamy substance on it.
Then they began fitting the pieces together. In less than half an hour they had the entire tollbooth reconstructed
and good as new.
"Astonishing!" the truck driver said to the crew chief. "What was that white stuff you used to get all the
pieces together?"
The crew chief said, "Oh, that was tollgate booth paste."
A crisis...
A middle-aged woman seemed sheepish as she visited her gynecologist.
"Come now," coaxed the doctor, "you've been seeing me for years! There's nothing you can't tell me."
"This one's kind of strange..."
"Let me be the judge of that," the doctor replied.
"Well," she said, "yesterday I went to the bathroom in the morning and heard a plink-plink-plink in the toilet and when I looked down, the water was full of pennies."
"I see."
"That afternoon I went to the bathroom again and, plink-plink-plink, there were nickels in the bowl."
"That night," she went on, "I went again, plink-plink-plink, and there were dimes and this morning there were quarters ! You've got to tell me what's wrong with me!," she implored,
"I'm scared out of my wits!"
The gynecologist put a comforting hand on her shoulder.
"There, there, it's nothing to be scared about."
(ready for this?)
(Next to last chance)
(It's still not too late, leave now!)
"You're simply going through the change!"
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