Religious Jokes
Warning: Possible Adult Themes!
Pages:
| 1 | 2 | 3 |
Check back regularly for new jokes!
HALL of FAME
Father, what causes arthritis?
A drunk man, who smelled like beer, sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket
He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the man turned to the priest and asked. "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?" The priest replied, "My Son, it's caused by loose living; being with cheap, wicked women; too much alcohol; contempt for your fellow man; sleeping around with prostitutes; and lack of bathing."
The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be darned," then returned to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"
The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.
The nun
One day a nun was standing on the side of the road waiting for a cab. A
cab stopped and picked her up. During the ride she noticed that the
driver was staring at her.
When she asked him why, he said, "I want to ask you something, but I
don't want to offend you."
She said, "You can't offend me. I have been a nun long enough that I
have heard just about everything."
The cab driver then said, "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun
give me a blow job."
She said, "Well, perhaps we can work something out under two conditions.
You have to be single, and you have to be Catholic."
Immediately the cab driver said, "Oh, yes!
I'm single and I'm Catholic!"
The nun said, "Okay, pull into that alley."
The cab driver pulled into the alley and the nun went to work. Shortly
afterwards, the cab driver started crying.
The nun said, "My child, what's the matter?"
He said tearfully, "Sister, I have sinned. I lied, I lied...I'm married
and I'm Jewish!"
The nun replied, "That's okay. My name's Bruce and I'm on my way to a
costume party!"
Where's God?
Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively
mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and
their parents know all about it. If any mischief
occurs in their town, the two boys are probably
involved.
The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had
been successful in disciplining children, so she asked
if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed,
but he asked to see them individually. So the mother
sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the
older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.
The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the
younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Do you know
where God is, son?" The boy's mouth dropped open, but
he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his
mouth hanging open. So the preacher repeated the
question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?!"
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher
raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the
boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God?!" The boy
screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home
and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet, he
asked, "what happened?" The younger brother, gasping
for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time.
GOD is missing, and they think we did it!"
|
